I decided the story wasn't tight enough, and have re-written it to include more reference to Mia's point of view and emotions. Here is the previous version if you want to compare.
I guess it won't be ready until it's in print :-)
Leave comments below. Especially if you have kids, and especially especially if you showed them the story.
Mia and The Rocketship Tree
Written and illustrated by Boaz Gavish
1 - Mia put on her space suit and took Koalabo by the hand, which made Koalabo wonder, What kind of adventure will Mia want to have today?
They walked and bounced to the park outside her garden…
Mia called out to her friends “Ready to join us for Space Games?”
and they replied, “Not again! Come skip with us instead”
“But I can’t skip in my space suit,” Mia answered.
3 - “Let’s go to our special tree instead.” Mia said and grinned at Koalabo.
4 – Koalabo was a robot Koala and knew everything there was to know.
“Playing games is a lot of fun,” Koalabo began in his robotic voice, “but for a true adventure you don’t need anyone!”
Mia heard what Koalabo said, and raced up the ladder to the treehouse…
5 – Koalabo bounced up the tree to follow her. He already knew what Mia was thinking.
Mia put her wooden key into the tree trunk and twisted it three times.
The tree slowly changed…
6 -…into a rocket ship tree!
Mia saw flashes of fire shoot out of the branches and very important knobs and buttons popped out of the trunk. She guessed what Koalabo was going to say next.
7 - “Three, two, one… lift off!” shouted Koalabo. Mia flicked the switches to fire the main engine. She was excited that her adventure was about to begin and that there was no one there to stop her!
8 - Mia covered her ears…and the tree lifted off the ground with a big BOOM, bursting through the clouds with a wonderful Whoooshhh. She looked out of the window and felt like she was on top of the world!
9 - And quick as a sneeze, Mia and Koalabo were in space. They were travelling faster than anything you could imagine, leaving Earth far, far behind…
10 - They flew high above the moon as it shone brightly below.
“Is the moon made of blue cheese?” asked Mia.
“Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” answered Koalabo. He understood how delightful such thoughts could be.
11 - On they flew, past the fishy Fish-teroids. The Fish-teroids didn’t stop to say hello. They were off on one of their own adventures!
12 - Past magnificent planets, some with rings and some without.
13 - Past a flying swimming pool, full of happy, green creatures, splashing about.
14 - Past stars and other space delights.
15 - Past a fiery green sun, so dazzling and bright.
16 - Until they reached the Space Ticklers, on a small, purple planet.
17 - “You can’t play with us,” yelled one of the Space Ticklers, as they all ran around tickling each other. But Mia could not wait to show them how good she was at tickling!
18 - Mia really was the best tickler of them all. The Space Ticklers were filled with delight when they saw Mia was their new tickle champion.
19 - And so they tickled…
20 - ...And tickled…
21 - ...And tickled
22 - Mia started to become tired of all the tickling. It seemed all that the Space Ticklers wanted to do. “Tickling is the best game!” they cried out, but Mia wondered what her friends were doing instead.
23 - Suddenly, a soft sound came from the rocket ship tree. It sounded like Mia’s friends calling to her from far, far away. Now is a good time to fly back home, Mia decided.
24 - “Goodbye Space Ticklers,” Mia shouted. But the Space Ticklers did not want to let their best tickler leave their planet. So they sent rainbow tickles at her until she was stuck and unable to move.
25 - But the rainbow tickles did not work on Koalabo. His robot body couldn’t feel the tickles at all! Koalabo showered a burst of tickles on the Space Ticklers, so that THEY couldn’t move.
26 – “Chop-chop!” Koalabo freed Mia from the rainbow tickles and they raced up into the tree house. “Lift off,” shouted Mia and off they flew.
27 - …through the darkness of space and past planets and stars. Past the moon and the sun, who were having such fun.
28 - …softly they fell…through candy peach clouds and pink vanilla skies…
29 - …until they reached Mia’s garden. And Mia’s friends were still there, asking her to play with them. Mia thought about her adventures in space and about the Space Ticklers. She was very happy to be back with her true friends. So she took off her space suit and joined them!
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